Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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