He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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