hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
