Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
