I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
