I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
