I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
