i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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