you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there is glitter all over my balls
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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