Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
