My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
