How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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