I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
