So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
