Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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