the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
