True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
