I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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