That's when you crack a 10am beer
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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