haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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