I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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