Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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