i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
