she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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