today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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