So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
