How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
did i just pee glitter
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
