I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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