i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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