me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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