every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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