Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
