he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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