We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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