We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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