I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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