i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
