you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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