Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
