well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
