Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
