Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
