Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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