You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
