you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
