I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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