I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
