The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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