Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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