well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
