I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
