shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Text me some of your sweat
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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