we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
