so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
