You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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