Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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