so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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