Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
