better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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