and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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