Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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