I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The power of my boobs compel you
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