ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
