Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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