My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
