I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
