Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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