By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
