can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
